Relationships are for the stupid.
Sorry for the lack of posting. I've been either sick, busy or a combonation of the two lately.I was talking to a friend today at work. Unfortunately without knowing or realizing it, he brought up some harsh emotions within. He is a mutual friend of the last person I dated. And we all still keep in contact. I broke off that relationship because I wanted to concentrate on school, concentrate on getting ready for the Navy and because I felt there were expectations of a long term relationship that I couldn't follow through with. Though only the first two were voiced at the break up.
Fortunately, the break up was amicable. I get a phone call from my ex not too long ago and we talked. As friends. I think my ex still has hope for a reunion. I believe the relationship was probably doomed from the start.
We started off in a casual relationship. Friends with benefits. Considering there is a distinct possibility of me shipping overseas or to war, I didn't really want to get into a committed relationship. We agreed together and things were...okay.
The problem came in when I suspected that my ex was still having a 'friends with benefits' thing with an ex. While we never actually committed to a relationship, I don't like sharing. Especially not something that personal. I asked if this was the case. My ex said yes, because we weren't actually in a relationship. I was devastated and didn't know what to do. So I think I made the wrong choice. I asked if we could be in a relationship.
Looking back, I probably should have just called the whole thing off at that point. But I was lonely. So I went the opposite direction.
Fortunately for all involved, things ended without dire consequences. However, considering this was the second relationship in a row (and the first two within about four years) that an ex cheated on me and either blamed me (#1) or didn't see anything wrong with it (#2), it kinda shatters my confidence that a good relationship is possible.
"You were done wrong...that shouldn't have happened to you." That's what my friend said. He was being sympathetic and reassuring. It just brought back a few pains that I felt I had already dealt with.
I'll survive though. I always have. A little Co-op Guitar Hero II, some beer and heavy metal will be good for the soul. I've always been a strong soul. I just sometimes need a little assurance that things will be okay.
posted by ClanMcCray(Qimac) @ 1:40 AM
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